G. Understanding Human Emotions

This Chapter And You...

On the March of the Living you will confront some intense emotions and feelings. You will share the excitement of preparing for the trip, meeting new friends. You will feel your own anticipation building. For many of you this will be the first trip to Israel. For others, the thought of returning to Israel, even for a short week, will be awesome. Visiting the Concentration Camps will leave you with some profound and overwhelming feelings. Everyone will react differently. Some of you may cry. That's okay. Others of you may not cry. That's okay too. Still others may be too numb for your feelings to surface. That's okay too. In fact, have you ever noticed that sometimes when confronted with a strong emotional experience some people giggle or laugh? That's okay too.

"Don't get excited." "Don't be sad." "Don't get upset." "Don't feel hurt."

How many times have you heard those comments? Our parents don't want us to be sad or upset or hurt. Our friends always want us to "Be Happy." But you and I know that is impossible. There are times when we feel saddened by a loss, whether it is a friend who has moved out of town, or the sudden death of a pet, or even worse, the death of a relative or friend. These are times when we have a right to be sad and upset and hurt and even angry and frustrated.

You have a right to your feelings. Feelings just are! Feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings just are. It is unfair for anyone to try to tell you how to feel in a given situation. It is more unfair to deny you the right to a feeling. The more important question would be why you have that feeling.

During the March some of these feelings may be very similar to those of someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. Simply put, you may enter a state of grief. This chapter will try to help you understand the various stages of grief and enable you to pass through these stages. In the second reading you will read about five stages of grief. In the third reading you will be asked to think about a specific grief (loss) experience in your life and work it through all stages.

It would be very helpful and to your advantage if you could find someone to talk to about the concept of grief. Try one of the following: your rabbi, a counselor from your school, or a counselor from the local Jewish Family Service.

On the March there will be numerous professionals trained in counseling to help you if you need it. And of course there will be thousands of "new friends" who will be experiencing the same emotions and sharing them with you.

Then Israel! Your emotions will skyrocket as you step foot in the Land of Israel. Some of you may kiss the ground as our ancestors have done for hundreds of generations. Some will laugh and others will cry. Others will be confused by the myriad number of emotions coursing through your heart and soul. Still others will be numb. These are all valid reactions to "emotional overdrive."

You are not alone. Even the advisors will be experiencing the same feelings. We will share them together and learn from them and from each other.

Objectives

1. You will begin to understand the various stages of the grief experience.

2. You will realize that you have already suffered a grief/loss experience of your own, even if it seems insignificant, i.e. a friend moving out of town, a broken toy (your favorite one), etc.

3. You will begin to develop an emotional coping mechanism by being encouraged to re-experience your own experience of loss.

4. You will become familiar with the terminology of the grief experience so that when you hear it on the March, you will be able to relate to it.

5. You will be better prepared to help others deal with their emotions. You will learn that sometimes when you help someone else through their pain, you help yourself as well.

6. If you have not experienced any grief situations, you will be asked to confront your parents/friends for them to share their experiences with you.

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love - the only survival, the only meaning."

Thornton Wilder

Reading #1

Below are some excerpts from the writings of the teens who participated in the March of the Living in 1988 and 1990.

"The departure date has finally arrived, after months of mental and physical preparation. We leave the comfort and security of our parents' arms, boarding the plane with excitement and anticipation. Although we realize these next two weeks will be no vacation, we really have no true concept as to the powerful, emotional experiences that await us."

Sophia Fischer, Miami 1990

"We went to a program at the Rappaport Memorial. A lot of the ceremony was in Hebrew, so I was unable to understand. It really didn't matter. The fact that we were there was the event's most important aspect. The Jewish presence was finally felt again in Warsaw. It is like walking through a living history book, only words on paper could never have the same effect as standing at the very place where it all happened."

Stefan Zaklin, Harrington Park, NJ 1990

"...All alone I go to pay my respects. Yet all together they went to their deaths. I am alone because my pain is internal.Pain that I feel for these souls eternal.And though others may walk with me and hold my hand. It is alone that I face this burial land..."

Susie Ginsberg, Hollywood, FL 1990

"Three thousand, five hundred Jewish teenagers from thirty-six different countries, marching together, is a powerful experience. Each time I look back and see the sea of blue March of the Living jackets, my throat closes up with emotion. This march is for the living."

Carolyn Abel, Demarest, NJ 1990

"...I look out the window and see the most memorable image of all,A symbol of beauty, of hope, of love ---G-d has no arm to wrap around us to give comfort,so He wrapped a rainbow across the sky..."

Aline Linden, Sherbourne MA 1990

"I exited Auschwitz. They didn't. Don't ever try to explain. No explanation can exist... And when we sang our songs of Israel, the drizzling stopped and the sun shone through. This has and will always remain one of the most incredible experiences of my life..."

Daria Lidsky, Miami 1990

"...Running down the streets, screaming, yelling, having fun, dancing, singing, huge circles at all street corners! So this is how you celebrate Yom Ha'Atzmaut, Israeli style!"

Stacy Edinburg, Cincinnati, OH 1990

"This trip to Israel was different from the previous ones. I was not going for myself. I was however going to fulfill the dream that was taken away from six million Jews."

Michele Fakiro, Pittsburgh, PA 1990

And last but not least, from a parent:

"...Although we have not been completely briefed (that will take a lifetime), Michele's initial reactions and responses indicate a profound impact upon her thinking, upon her relationship with friends, and certainly, on her maturity. Michele indicated that she learned things about herself she never knew..."

Dr. Stephen Bergen, West Orange, NJ 1990

Reading #2

Adolescents, Grief and the Concentration Camps - Rabbi Dr. Stuart Grant

Auschwitz, Treblinka, Majdanek are names which conjure up images of suffering and loss. When you visit one of these dens of despair you may undergo a traumatic experience. You will come face to face with feelings and emotions that you may have heretofore experienced, though perhaps not as intensely.

We have found that many teenagers who visit concentration camps experience an emotional reaction similar to someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. Simply put, you may enter into a state of grief, and must pass through the various stages of grief work. In order to prepare yourself for this possible reaction you should be educated as to the various stages of grief that you may experience. This will help you to cope with the intense and overwhelming feelings that might come flooding to the surface.

The following is a brief description of the stages of grief and how you might experience these stages when visiting these camps.

1. Shock: Quite often when a loss occurs, the bereaved enters a state of shock in which he feels very little, and nothing seems real.

Adolescents experiencing the concentration camp visit for the first time may feel numb and disconnected to everything and everyone around them. Some may even feel a little dizzy as the mind attempts to deny the implications of where they are and what happened there.

2. Denial: At this point the bereaved may refuse to believe that their loved one has died. They look for signs that the deceased is still alive or might believe that there was a mistake in identifying the body.

Teenagers may experience this "denial" in the concentration camp experience by having difficulty in comprehending the enormity of the atrocities that had occurred at this place. They may think about how they would have escaped or how they would have killed their Nazi guards. In their own minds they attempt to re-write history, to re-write the unthinkable. They may continue to fight the feelings that are now being stirred within them. It is normal to see some teenagers crying while others may appear to be stoic and unaffected.

3. Anger: When the bereaved come to accept the reality of the fact of the death they may become angry at the caretakers themselves, (doctors, nurses, mental health professionals), for not having done "enough," at God for allowing the death to occur or the deceased for dying, thereby causing the bereaved immeasurable pain and suffering.

Adolescents who experience a visit to a concentration camp may become angry at the Nazis and the guards who oppressed the Jews, at the rest of the world for not helping, at the Jews themselves for not forming a successful resistance, at God for permitting the atrocities. This anger may arise later and may be displaced upon his peers or counselors. It may seem that certain teens have suddenly become angry in general. In reality, however, their anger is really a flowing out of the grief experience.

4. Loss and Depression: When all the other defenses have been exhausted, the bereaved begins to truly feel the loss. He may experience physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches. He may cry and sob uncontrollably and become very depressed.

At this stage the adolescent will have handed himself over to the reality and magnitude of the atrocities and deaths which occurred in the camp. He may sob and cry, or he may hold back his tears. He may become very depressed, in which case it will be important to give him the opportunity to talk about what he is feeling. This we do on a regular basis, in the bus, during our evening discussion groups, and individually.

5. Acceptance: When the bereaved has finally accepted the death of the loved one and has worked through the other stages of grief, he will begin to feel a little better. A glimmer of light flickers at the end of the tunnel and the bereaved now moves rapidly toward it. He then can begin the process of acceptance.

When the adolescent has fully accepted the reality of the concentration camps and the despair and hopelessness his ancestors experienced, he is then ready to experience hope once again.

The trip to Israel during Israeli Independence Day becomes a strong ingredient in this last stage of grief work. It fills the teenager with hope and pride in his Jewishness, and can help him create some meaning to the concentration camp. This meaning may take the form of a lesson in the importance of the survival of the Jewish State. The teen will most probably feel strongly committed to his Jewish identity, and we hope this commitment will be strong and enduring.

It is important to note that as on the previous Marches this sense of pride begins to rise to the surface when the teenager actually walks on the March of the Living from Auschwitz to Birkenau. There is a feeling of togetherness and unity when one looks to the front and rear and sees a "sea" of blue jackets imprinted with Jewish stars. The visit to Israel greatly heightens this pride.

You Are Not Alone

Remember that each bus will have at least three trained educators plus knowledgeable adults and survivors. Each bus group will travel with at least one medical doctor, a psychologist or psychiatrist, as well as other health care professionals. Whatever your reaction to the experiences, we will be there for you to help you understand your feelings and deal properly with them.

Activity #1

Instructions:

1. a. Fill in all major grief (loss) experiences you may have had.

1. b. Fill in a grief (loss) experience you are dealing with now.

2. Select one grief (loss) experience to focus on while reading this sheet.

3. Did your grief (loss) experience go through all four stages?

4. Write in the similarities and differences in your own experience for each stage.